The research proves it, time and again. After studying 66,000 births at Rabin Medical Centre

in Israel, Professor Marek Glezerman discovered that pregnancies with a male foetus were more often complicated, and this vulnerability continued throughout boys’ lives.

“Men are known to have a shorter lifespan, are more susceptible to infections and have less chance of withstanding disease than women,” he said. “In short, men are the weaker sex.”

So that’s that, then.

Another blow to already fragile male prestige was delivered at the weekend with the publication of research showing that more than a quarter of British women believe fitting into an old pair of jeans again would feel better than sex.

The poll by Special K cereal also revealed that 11.1% even thought that being able to get into the teenage jeans again would beat a marriage proposal. And 10% of women claim their

favourite jeans have outlasted their longest relationship.

So it’s all in the jeans.

Things can only get worse for men, and they do, they do. Several surveys have shown that a high proportion of women also prefer shopping to sex.

Apparently, if they’re going to be subjected to an uncomfortable, eye-gouging, frustrating experience, most women would prefer it to be in the mayhem of the January sales than back at the hoose, staring at the ceiling while Viagra-fuelled fat Boab engages in Mr Darwin’s business like the Duracell Bunny. There’s no accounting for taste.

What is particularly galling for us males, though, is the fact that in the post-modern age there is simply no right way for men to behave. Just at the point at which we’ve learned to be in touch with our inner feminist – wash the dishes, use deodorant, refrain from holding the door open for women and control the urge to stand up for ladies on the bus – it seems that it’s all a bit of a mistake. Research carried out by The Future Foundation revealed that 91% of women actually like having the door held open for them. And 22% of women are happy that men should foot the bill for dates. Oh goody.

Here’s a further piece of confusion: Laura Doyle, who describes herself as a “freelance writer, feminist and former shrew”, is making big money on the US lecture circuit by telling women that to be happy they should surrender control to the men in their life. Her books, The Surrendered Wife and The Surrendered Single, are very popular.

To attract a mate, apparently, single women should smile at every man they meet, always wear form-fitting clothes and make-up, and give “sincere thanks or a compliment to at least one male a day”. She also advises single women to be quiet on a date, because that makes her seem more feminine, a “must” for the surrendered creed. She should only offer her opinion if the man asks for her views.

Something tells me that this is different from Jo Brand’s view of men: “The useless piece of flesh at the end of a penis is called a man.” Or Roseanne Barr’s: “I don’t think women want to be equal to men. I think we’d have to have lobotomies to do that. There isn’t any New Man.

The New Man is the old man, only he whines more.”

With all this conflicting information, no wonder so many modern men have identity crises, or end up as recluses. Is it to be deference or defiance, mystery or mastery? Is it ever possible to be right? Is it even dangerous to be right?

“Don’t argue with your mate in the kitchen,” advises Diane Amos, “because we know where everything is and you don’t.”

So this melancholic column’s advice to men for 2010 is summed up in an old west Fife couplet:

“If at first you don’t succeed

Pull the blankets ow’er your heid.”