* YOU'VE heard about folk going on honeymoon to all sorts of exotic

locations -- sometimes they even tie the knot on a sun-lashed tropical

isle. Sometimes it is just a second honeymoon and the travel operators

have all sorts of wheezes to persuade you to take up the offer of free

bubbly, four-poster beds and a private whirlpool bath.

Well one Scottish operator has an altogether different kind of wheeze.

Based in Dunfermline, the Cuthbert family has been selling Canvas

Holidays -- and this literally is a ma, pa and the weans operation with

some eight grandchildren working for a company that has been going for

27 years -- with ever increasing success.

This year's wheeze is a special offer on second honeymoons, the catch

being that you have to have been married for a minimum of 25 years. What

with the way our society is going with the divorce rate this is going to

be an increasingly easy offer to make.

What you get is a discount of 1% for every year of your marriage if

you holiday between May 1 and July 9, 1992. Tents these days do seem

somewhat different from those in which I spent youthful days camping. In

fact the word camping is rarely used. With Canvas Holidays you get a

frame tent with double bedroom (single beds if you are of that

persuasion), a separate kitchen with a cooker, domestic refrigerator,

and electric light.

The tenting sites are mostly in France but there are also locations in

Austria, Switzerland, Germany, Italy, and Spain. And being based in

Scotland, Canvas Holidays is quite aware that you may well be starting

with a long drive south to a Channel port. As a result there are prices

for French Motorail and specially negotiated prices at hotels en route

starting at #12.50 per person per night.

* Brochure from Canvas Holidays, 12 Abbey Park Place, Dunfermline,

Fife KY12 7PD. Tel: 0383 621000.

* APART from pillow talk, one of the easiest ways to learn a language

is to drown yourself in the culture of a country. But modern tourism

makes this difficult since everywhere you go the tourist oriented locals

fall over themselves to speak English. Accents Langues et Loisirs is a

French holiday operator specialising in language holidays in friendly

environments. There are courses for beginners, intermediate and advanced

linguists based in Artemare, between Lyon and Geneva, and Forcalquier in

haute Provence.

The company, run personally by Paul Bourgeois, has been running for

seven years. While travel arrangements are made by a bonded ABTA member

(Holcombe Travel Ltd) it might well be worth insuring against loss of

this kind of holiday booked with a foreign company. Prices including air

and coach transport from London, a welcome meal, B&B, and tuition begin

at #449. Artemare can be reached from Manchester via Geneva at a

supplement of #50.

* Brochure and further details on 061 798 0388