Bluestone Wales’ Christmasland brims with festive cheer. ROBERT OWEN reports

“WHAT do Santa’s elves learn in school? The elf-abet!”; “Who sings ‘Blue Christmas’ and makes toy guitars? Elfis!”; “Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had low elf-esteem!”

If Bluestone Wales’ Kingdom of the Elves can’t put you in the Christmas spirit then Ebenezer Scrooge may very much as well be your middle name.

Departing on the Elf Express from the Pa rum pum pum pum platform, and bound for a mystic mountain realm of the kingdom Elftopia called Sugar Plum Land, passengers are transported on an adventure full of surprises and Christmas magic, with a sprinkling of singing and dancing along the way.

It was the stuff of dreams for my six-year-old, especially as she and all the other children were given their own elf onesies to wear.

But it’s wasn’t all good news.

Usually a happy place, Elftopia, we learnt, had been thrown into despair after a curse on the Elf King which turned him into a toy.

Our mission was to return the Elf King to his home, reunite him with the Queen, and hope to lift the curse - all before Christmas!

Along the way we met Mother Ginger who prepared us for battle with the evil mouse army by serving up gingerbread men to be decorated. Her not-so-helpful assistant Marshall Mallow was the source of the elf-inspired jokes above.

Children dressed in the elf onesies at Mother Ginger's kitchen

The journey culminates at the Nutcracker Ball, which turned into party central once we had successfully restored the king to life.

Hats off to the actors who led our voyage along the way. Not once did they break from character, and they had children and adults alike smiling from ear-to-ear on more than one occasion.

The Kingdom of the Elves was perhaps the highlight of our stay at the Pembrokeshire-based holiday resort, but there is a host of festive-themed fun to be had across the site at this time of the year.

There’s a Santa’s workshop, carol singing in the village square, a Christmas parade, and a highly-entertaining pantomime.

This year it was Snow White, which again proved to be every bit as entertaining for the adults as the younger members of the audience.

With references to Trump, the Kardashians, and Brexit, it proved more than a fresh take on an old classic.

The immensely popular Blue Lagoon Water Park also proved a huge hit.


It boasts a lazy river, wave machine, slides and flumes.

One, called The Falls, flows outside, before re-entering the lagoon into a plunge pool.

The water feels heated though, and there is something about the cold snap of fresh air on your face while you are submerged that is more than a little exhilarating.

After several hours there on more than one occasion, we re-treated back to our accommodation for some rest and relaxation.

The site is made up of expansive wood lodges, which have all the amenities to keep you connected to the outside world, while immersing you in quiet comfort.


We also spent a lot of time at the Adventure Centre.

It features a Sky Trail, climbing frames, crazy golf, soft play area and bouncy castle. It has all the fun of the outdoors, indoors.

But if actually being outdoors is your thing, the resort is surrounded by 500 acres of rambling woodland, and falls partly within the boundaries of the Pembrokeshire Coast National Park – the only coastal park in the UK.

For others, there is Well Spa Retreat in Bluestone Village – previously named Wales' Spa of the Year.

Either way, you are bound to work up an appetite, and with six different eateries to choose from you won’t be short of choice.

It is not hard to see why Bluestone has become one of the UK’s premier holiday resorts, as there genuinely is something for everyone.


Free range family fun is Bluestone Wales’ bread and butter, and it delivers.

For us, it was the perfect Christmas getaway, just a short stint down the M4.

Bluestone Wales’ Christmasland runs until Sunday January 6.

Next year’s Kingdom of the Elves storyline, which changes every year, will be themed ‘Who stole Christmas?’. Further details are set to be released next year.

Just remember to pack your Christmas jumpers.

From January 7 to March 28 next year, the resort will also offer the seasonal showcase Winter Lights: Illume.

The centrepiece is an immersive and interactive adventure along an ancient woodland path, which includes a fairy village. A Merlin Light Show is also sure to prove popular.

Visit for a full list of lodges and prices.